So called ‘late-bloomers’ get a bad rap. Sometimes the people with the greatest potential often take the longest to find their path because their sensitivity is a double edged sword- it lives at the heart of their brilliance, but it also makes them more susceptible to life’s pains. Good thing we aren’t being penalized for handing in our purpose late. The soul doesn’t know a thing about deadlines.
I am not a problem to fix. And I’m certainly not defective. I am fucking glorious. My darkness always circles back to the light. There is order to my chaos. My heart is broken on a daily basis and for that I am on-my-knees grateful. I am the entitled Ruler of My Own Life, a tender devotee of desire, ancient and newborn, a Medicine Woman Priestess Powerhouse, a Soldier of Love, an Artist of Magnitude. I am important—just because. In a perfect symbiosis of reciprocity, the world needs exactly what I’ve got to give—which is tremendous. My hunger is fierce, divine, and universal. Moreover, it is insatiable—and that is good. I am a portal to Truth, luminous. I am as wide-awake today as I can possibly be. And I am not the only one. I … am … not the only one.
I know that there are times when you feel like you’re too much. Times when you wonder whether people would be better off without you in their lives. Times when you wonder whether you would be better off if you were someone different. Someone less intrusive. Less sensitive. Less vocal. Someone more acceptable. More tolerable.Someone easier. I understand that it’s so hard to drown out the voice telling you that there’s something wrong with who you are, but I need you to trust that you aren’t too much. I need you to trust that you deserve to be here. You don’t ever have to shrink or disappear for the sake of anyone else. You’re allowed to be immense and loud and open. You’re allowed to be unpalatable and unapologetic and uneasily defined. You’re allowed to use your voice and speak your truth. And more than anything, you’re allowed to take up space. Not despite who you are, but because of it. Because even though you might not always be able to see it, you have so many wonderful things to contribute to this world. Because you exist and therefore, you matter. Even when you’re struggling. Even when you’re difficult. Even when some people find you to be too much — you’re enough and you matter.
Most people do not realize that as they continue to find things to complain about, they disallow their own physical well-being. Many do not realize that before they were complaining about an aching body or a chronic disease, they were complaining about many other things first. It does not matter if the object of your complaint is about someone you are angry with, behavior in others that you believe is wrong, or something wrong with your own physical body. Complaining is complaining, and it disallows improvement.
My mission, should I choose to accept it, is to find peace with exactly who and what I am. To take pride in my thoughts, my appearance, my talents, my flaws and to stop this incessant worrying that I can’t be loved as I am.