My mission, should I choose to accept it, is to find peace with exactly who and what I am. To take pride in my thoughts, my appearance, my talents, my flaws and to stop this incessant worrying that I can’t be loved as I am.
I believe fiercely in helping others. I believe in making up your own rules. I believe in living life like you want to be here. I believe that your past does NOT define you. I believe in putting yourself out there, whatever “out there” is for you. I believe in having a sense of humor, especially about yourself. I believe that sometimes a little good old fashioned face to face is better than a text.
There are people who will feel threatened by the idea of you liking yourself. This is because if you like yourself, you’ll believe that you deserve to be treated well, so you won’t tolerate it when they treat you badly, and they either don’t know how to treat you properly or don’t want to treat you properly, so they know you liking yourself means that you will invariably leave them or stand up to them. When somebody wants you to be insecure or to doubt yourself, it’s because they want to use those insecurities and doubts against you. To hell with those people. They don’t care about you. They just want to be able to treat you like dirt, and they’re scared you won’t let them, so go ahead, scare them; love yourself.
I knew buying the place would demolish my savings, and I was risking pretty much everything. But I’ve never been afraid of money. It’s not because I was born with a trust fund-I wasn’t. In my four decades of life, I’ve had no money, some money, no money again and lots of money. But I have always, always bet on myself. I had to believe I could afford to live in a vintage apartment in a gorgeous old building-and that even if it meant eating nothing but ramen noodles for the rest of my life, I would own it.
I think you need someone in your life you can depend on, someone you can confide in when things go to hell at work, someone to massage your tired feet and your stiff shoulders, someone to bring you tea and cook a meal once in a while. Someone to be there for you.
I no longer have the energy for meaningless friendships, forced interactions or unnecessary conversations. If we don’t vibrate on the same frequency there’s just no reason for us to waste our time. I’d rather have no one and wait for substance than to not feel someone and fake the funk.